Dear Thief-
How about you give me the license plate cover back and I won't douse your stupid BYU emblem in gasoline and light it on fire in the church parking lot. The day you eat mint brownies made as a ransom for our beloved Ute memorabilia is the day I die.
We realize that our stolen property is much more valuable than the worthless trash you so willingly gave up in exchange for it. But we are good people. We know that it is nearly impossible not to covet this precious item. We would be willing to strike a deal for the safe return of said property. It will come at a price, for time lost and defamation of character to our vehicle and in turn our good family's name. If you are unwilling to abide by our terms we will be forced to part with our property knowing that its better to add another Ute License plate cover to the world and dispose of the cougar crap that was left behind.
Here are the terms of the exchange:
1. Our car needs a good detailing to rid it of all BYU filth.
2. A full tank of gas (that should cover the cost of embarrassment that we endured.)
3. A night of baby-sitting so that we can go out and deal with the emotional strain this has caused us.
4. A written apology on your own blog (which means you'd have to create one), stating that you realize that while you may have certain emotional ties to that little college in Provo, you have always admired and respected those who took the path less traveled and chose a school of higher quality and repute.
5. Host a football party on Nov. 24th and endure the beating without any wimpers or complaints.
A formal answer is requested within 48 hours or the BYU plate cover will no longer available for trade.
(dis)Respectfully yours,
The Avey Family
4 comments:
I can't help but wonder if it was an inside job!
you are too funny! I am dying to know who it was!
It was me!!!
I know you thought we fell off the face of the earth, and were secretly excited that there was one less Cougar family in existence
These are our conditions:
1) We are willing to make an even exchange of your license plate cover for our plate.
2) There's one thing we can agree on with the Cougars & Utes, and that is the pathetic TV coverage of our teams thanks to the wonderfully brilliant MTN and CSTV networks. So, since we can't actually watch the game on November 24th, we will gladly host a party soon afterwards honoring the team that wins the game. The supporters for the losing team will have to attend and endure the pain of the celebration.
Go Cougars!!
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